One Month Later...

So here it is, 4 days into the new year. Do I have a plan? Have I started on the right foot? Am I going to make 2009 a great year? My answer is honestly, I Don't Know!

The first of the year for many means new beginnings, another chance, a new start. For me, this year, it means fear. Fear of this year being worse than last year. This year being harder than last year. This year bringing more changes than last year, or worse, no change at all.

So I stare into the next 361 days in fear. Yes, I know that fear is not of the Lord. Yes, I know to trust Him and that ALL things work together for good for those that love the Lord. However, knowing all of that doesn't change the lack of desire that I have in me to not face more pain, to not face more failure and to not face more struggles. I just feel as if I need a year that is quiet, still and peaceful. Not a year that is a mountain, not a year that is a valley, a year that is just a plain with little to no change in the everyday terrain. Sure enough, as those words roll off my fingertips, my heart says "NO!". My heart dos want change, my hearts does want the end result and to see God's miraculous work in my life, my heart does want to touch each blessing that comes before, during and after the painful moments that happen in my life. I just wish, no, pray, that those blessings weren't so challenging to get sometimes.

I am tired. I am weary. I am weak. I am weepy. I just need a rest, a sweet time of rest. Today, tomorrow, next week, next month, till I am stronger.

Yes, I know that life waits for no one, I know that the show must go on, I know that I must play my part each day, no matter how tough it is, no matter how overwhelming it is, no matter what the end of the day brings. And, yes, I MUST PERSEVERE from the end of each trying day to the beginning of each new day.